It’s not uncommon for chronically ill people to prefer not to talk about their symptoms. To be fair, there are also as many who never stop talking about it, to anyone and everyone who will listen

But some of us just go silent.

Why?

1. Family (and friends, if we have any left) don’t understand, and/or the novelty wore off a long time ago.

2. Truly, most people are caught up in their own lives, and not looking to hear about our troubles. Especially if that’s the only thing we have going on in our lives.

3. Some people are true narcissists, and if it’s not about them, they don’t want to know. If it impacts them in any way, they believe it’s your fault for inconveniencing them. I have relatives and “friends” like this. I minimize contact and am careful in conversations with them.

4. Talking about what ails you can get tiresome – especially when you realize that talking about it doesn’t fix or change anything. In some ways, it can make you feel worse.

5. On the other hand, sharing your experiences and frustrations with someone whose disability is similar to yours, can be cathartic and help you to feel heard, validated, and understood. Experiencing this can be healing and stimulate feelings of connection and being cared for. I have a friend like this, and we support each other in this way.

6. I have found that, over years, it did me less good to tally an inventory of all that is malfunctioning with me, but helpful to do something that I do have control over. Whether it’s washing some dishes, vacuuming a rug, spending time with my animals, or sorting some papers — “doing stuff” gets me out of my head and moving. It helps to clear my mind and distract me from the pain I’m in, whether I can walk or not, and my general state in life. Plus, it gives me a feeling of accomplishment to get *something* — even very small — done for the day.

That’s often my goal on the really bad days — to complete one task, or at least get something started. Then I feel the day was not wasted.

Do you find that talking about your illness or disability helps you or keeps you stuck? If you have family, are they understanding? What are some ways you find of dealing with frustration about your health? Drop a note in the comments, please share you perspective.