When I told my family and friends that I was filing for disability (with an attorney’s help), they all said “Finally!”

I had resisted this process for a couple years, figuring I’d be declined. Yet everyone who knows me, knows what I live with every day, and how much work, family time, etc., I’ve lost as a result of my illnesses.

What I’ve learned from this so far is that what ordinary people consider disabling and chronically ill, is *much* different from the SSA definition. Also, it’s another agency that seems to feel that the best way to gain someone’s cooperation is through the use of threats, interrogation, and manipulation — with a smile. None of which I respond well to — due to my background, I tend to go selective-mute when someone uses these tactics on me.

The irony is that the SSA apparently is aware of the long-term trauma in my history, and yet still uses these tactics.

“Can you drive? (Locally) Was your cane medically prescribed? (No) Can you leave your house? (Yes, but I usually don’t — too many reasons why.) Can you go shopping in a store? (Nope) Do you even know what your medications are for? (Yep) Why haven’t you gone to more specialists? (Takes months to get in, takes arrangements for my kids, takes energy to get there, be evaluated, and more energy to get back. And I’m flattened the next couple of days.)

And, the best — I have to be too sick and disabled to leave my home or do *anything* for myself, yet I have to see specialists regularly and on SSA’s timeline.

Because if I can do any self-care, any cleaning, or drive — I can work. What b/s logic!

It’s not about avoiding work or being lazy. It’s about my physical and cognitive capacity to handle sustained work. My best venue is online work, but there is much I don’t and can’t qualify for, and there is a lot of online work that pays maybe $3 to $5 an hour, and/or requires 20 to 40+ hours per week, advanced scheduling, and restricted sick call-outs (if any). That is unsustainable for me, and will do little for prescriptions, medical bills, and special dietary needs.

Sadly, if a *specialist* refuses to take a stand and prescribe certain assists (diet, tools, remedies), none of what keeps me semi-functional will be accepted. Too many doctors weasel-word, don’t want to deal with the SSA, and/or resort to “You have so much to offer — just try!” The assumptions in this still boil my blood.

I have to see this through, because I already committed to it. However, it seems like a no-win situation for me, and one that will only make my illnesses worse by pushing myself too hard, and sheer exhaustion.

Curious if others have had a positive or smooth experience with the SSA? Reminds me of stories coming out of the UK in the last year or so. If you don’t mind sharing your stories (anonymously, please don’t name people), drop a note in the comments, thank you.